Why Alcohol Should Be Served at Work

*Incentive to show up

*Reduces Stress

*Leads to more honest communication

*Encourages carpooling

*Employees work later since there's no need to rush to the bar

*Salary negotiations are more profitable

*It makes other workers more attractive

*Eliminates vacations because employees want to come to work

*Burping doesn't seem inappropriate-just funny

*Increases overall job satisfaction because even if your job sucks, you don't are!!!

My Sweet Calculus

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in a trigonometric lane of life. There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular
garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated my whole being.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I will not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your geometric & algebraic personality.

My love, if you do not meet me at Parabola Restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees to the ground, my heart would be like an unsolved polynomial equation of 10 degrees.

With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Yours ever loving,
Pythagoras Theorem

Deadlock

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together.

Grandpa (the boss) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .

This is called DEAD LOCK

To: All Employees / From: The Management

To: All Employees


Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.

Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

Regards,
THE MANAGEMENT

Sleepless

It was like 6am when I finally went to bed.
Woke up, as in got off the bed at 10am.
But then again, I did not really got any sleep.
By 8+am, the phone was like ringing every now and then.

Hopefully, it'll be better tonight?
I'm gonna go clear my mind, as in try not to think about this for today; at least til I come back home. But it's gonna be difficult. Whatever.

Right. My motto right now seems like Whatever.

5+am

Oh man.. It's like 5+am...? & I'm still awake. I can't sleep. So many thoughts. All still up and running. My brain is practically overworking thinking all these things. You know, when you check the Task Manager in your computer & it's utilizating almost all your computer memory that's it's so annoyingly lagging your computer that you just terminate it? Well, my brains are like running high processes that just can't be terminated anyhow anyway. Damn. I can't terminate explorer.exe in my brain. That would just mean coma. I can't reboot. That would mean dead for awhile? I can't shut down. That would mean dead forever. I just want to hibernate (sleep). Why cannot??? What can I do? I've to look for tools to terminate these high processes. During a time like this, it is just so great that some people are so supportive and being so much of a help by inputting more nonsense into my already jammed up processor. I'm being sacarstic okay. I think maybe I should go live by myself? If I can find that cheap, nice place and know the roads around. I should totally live by myself. What the heck. Nobody cares about what I think anyway. I'm like what...? Five years old to them...? Everyone wants and expects different things from me. Gimme a break and understand my situation okay. I'm like going to land in the mental hospital trying to cope with everything going on. Some inputs are like totally not helping okay. Did I just kind of repeated myself? No idea. I'm really unsure what I'm doing for like the past few hours? Make that the past half a day+. I've never drink beer/wine/stuff like that but I was asking for some just now. No, I didn't get any. In fact, if someone would so kindly buy some for me now, I think I will dunk it in. Just to forget everything. Did I just agreed to drink something I hate? I am like so totally hate my life now. I've to go put on fake faces for people around me these few days. The one person who I can be true to like wants nothing to do with me now...? Is there a meaning to my life now? NO. Should I even bother to carry on? I want to shut down. (5.38am now and I am still wide awake. Thoughts at the moment: Why are some people so evil?! What did I do that caused my situation now?). O ya. Thank you so much God for kicking me when I'm down (on Thursday). That was so helpful. Shut down shut down shut down... Where's my shut down button... I can't find it. Anyone know where is it? God? Shut me down? (5.43am) I think I could doze off if I land on the bed but I would probably keep waking up due to nightmares (it happens almost all the time when my brain is processing on high mode) and would probably make me more tired. Should I even bother going to bed? It's like, almost 6am? I could go for a walk/jog. Maybe I will get shut down then. I hate my life (at this point). I need some hugs. Where can I get some? *sobs* (5.48am)


The song playing in my mind now...

Happily Never After

"I don't think I want this anymore"
As she drops the ring to the floor
She says to herself, "You've left before"
"This time you will stay gone, that's for sure"

And he shattered something else
To drag her suitcase down the path
To the driveway
She had never gone that far

Normally this would be the time that she
Would let him talk her out of leaving
But this time, without crying
as she got into her car, she said

"No, Happily Never After
That just ain't for me
Because finally, I know
I deserve better, after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall"

As she drove away she starts to smile
Realized she hadn't for a while
No destination, she drove for miles
Wondering why she stayed in such denial

She was laughing about the way he shattered something else
To drag her suitcase down the path
To the driveway
She had never gone that far
Normally this would be the time that she
Would let him talk her out of leaving
But this time, without crying
As she got into her car, she said

"No, Happily Never After
That just ain't for me
Because finally, I know
I deserve better, after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall"

I'm done, I'm done, said I'm so done
I'm free, I'm free, so free
Free to feel the way I feel, yeah

She inhales a breath she'd never breathed before
Don't want no drama no more

Cause she says "No, Happily Never After
That just ain't for me
I know I deserve better after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall"

"No, Happily Never After
That just ain't for me because finally
I know I deserve better after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall"

Said I'm done, I'm done, I'm done

Broken

There are some things
that you just can't mend
but you will try to fix it
cause you just can't throw 'em all away
as it meant so much to you

Here In My Home

Here In My Home

Verse 1
Hold on brother hold on
The road is long. We’re on stony ground
But I’m strong. You ain’t heavy Verse 2
Oh there’s a misspoken truth that lies
Colors don’t bind, oh no.
What do they know? They speak falsely. Chorus
Here in my home
I’ll tell you what its all about
There’s just one hope here in my heart
One love undivided
That’s what it’s all about
Please won’t you fall in one by one by one with me? Verse 3
Push back sister won’t you push back?
Love won’t wait. Just keep pushing on.
Yes I’m strong. You ain’t heavy. Verse 4
Oh don’t you worry about that…
What we have shadows can’t deny
Don’t you know it’s now or never? Rap
[Bahasa Malaysia]
Bertubi asakan berkurun lamanya
Hati ke depan mencari yang sayang
translation: Years of fears and years of tribulation
The heart keeps searching for that endless devotion [Mandarin]
手牵手大家一起走，我代表华人开口未来就没有丢走
phonetics: shou qian shou da jia yi qi zou
wo dai biao hua ren kai kou wei lai jiu mei you diu zou
translation: Hand in hand we’ll march like blood brothers
I speak for my people we’ll find peace forever

[Tamil]
இந்த பயணம் பயணம்.. என் வெற்றி தாகம்,
அந்த கனா காலம்.. நம் வெற்றி ராகம்,
நண்பா.. நண்பா..
phonetics: inthe payanam payanamm yen vettri thaagam
anthee kaana kaalam naam vetri raagam...nanba nanba
translation: May the road ahead quench my thirst for success
May the road behind echo a song of the blessed

[English]
Yes I feel it in my bones and I will let it be known
No matter where I roam this is home sweet home
Sing!

God is busy

Before I get into the story...

At work, we have what we call a Duty Manager (DM) (normally is a manager, or assistant manager, or on weekends: team leader) who, in simple terms manages calls vs resources/head counts (anybody who knows: please correct me if I'm wrong :b).

Due to the fact that we need to have a balanced head count at all times at work, we are required to ask permission from the duty manager (DM) before we go to break (toilet break, pantry break, prayer break). Yeah, I can hear you going WHAT??? Yes, like school kids. We moan about that occassionally.


Here's story of today (Hey, it rhymes!)

So today noon-evening DM is one who most of the time seems to gets a lot of problems (like one of our main application will be down and stuff like that) when he's on duty; not that he wants but that's how things seem to frequently turn out. Btw, he's also a friend who can kid/joke around.

As soon as I saw him on duty, I private messaged (we have our own chat thingy within office network) him..

Me: u dm?
DM: yeah. y
Me: bad lor
DM: y
Me: always a lot of problems 1
DM: yalor. look at the calls (calls started pouring in like heavy rain =.=)
(the chat went something like that)


Later...

A malay girl asked for prayer break.
DM told her to go. Fast. As in, do it fast and come back fast.

So I private messaged him again...
Me: how to pray fast?
DM: can la. god also busy what.
Me: LOL. yeah, he's busy creating problems for u.
DM: yalor. cis.

And yes, our so important messenger thingy went crazy too...
Pity him. Don't know why he has such luck ;b

Finally...

... that someone I knew just plain disliked me (or maybe it's my actions...?) said what was on its mind. Blurting and churning.

LOLz.

I do not know to laugh or to cry.

It's the one person who can't be pleased.

Not in any way.

Right also unpleased.

Wrong also cannot.

So dramatic.

I should just move on.

The Annoying Computer & stuffs...

I have a new found hatred for my cousin's new computer (not too new la.. bout 4-5 months old).

Few weeks ago, the monitor just simply refused to display the right thing when the computer is booted up. When the monitor is first turned on, it would show able to detect VGA; which is correct... but after that... NOTHING!

So I did a quick test. I swap new monitor to old cpu. No problem. I swapped old monitor to new cpu. Nothing comes up. (Monitors using own cable @old monitor with old monitor's cable) Conclusion: Something wrong on cpu end @graphic card problem...?

I did not have the chance to tell my aunt (mother of my cousin) who had then rambled on the problem to my bro. Brother of mine came & without knowing I had tested, ran the same test. And he conluded the same thing.

So another aunt who helped purchased the computer (working in IT co), took cpu to her work place and got fellow technicians to test out. Days later.. she asked if we were pranking her as they had tested with few monitors.. all NO PROBLEM!!

So the cpu came home. Uncle/cousin hooked it up but still same problem. I tested, still the same. After word of advice, called up HP helpdesk for on-site assistance. The man came this morning.

Oh... That stooooooooooooooooooooooopid computer then worked. WTH!
He concluded it was due to socket not working. What socket not working? Prior to that, the monitor was able to be turned on but not displaying what it's suppose to what!?

Tonight when I came home from work, my cousin told me... the monitor gila again. LOL.. The SAME PROBLEM again!!

I think it's not the socket problem la.
To make matters worse... the router also got problem now.
Yesterday, the router was not working on socket 1, so I plug it to socket 2 (which was that new monitor's socket). This morning, the man unplug the router plug from socket 2 and plugged in the new monitor (which then worked and died again :b). Ever since then, unable to get the router back up. The router plug problem, I believe. It's legs have been stretched. I would say it's uncompatible since it came home but nobody seemed to have bothered. Tried jamming it in the socket couple of times but still fail to get electricity flowing in, thus a un-powered router...

So instead of having 1 problem... Now we have 2 problems. All cause of that darn new computer! Argh!!!

Anyone know how to fix that damn computer?? ;b