Lousy

Some things just happen when you least expect it. It's been nearly 2 weeks since I've started having "medical" problems. It's really, really annoying. First, there was the heat rash outbreak (still having 'em, but in the healing process). Then there's gastric that lasted a whole day on one of those days when you just need to be super well. After returning from home, those rashes just have a knack of being itchy whenever I'm hot for the whole Tuesday. So what I could do was stay home, be under the fan, showering more frequently & powder myself to keep cool. That didn't seem to be the end of it. The next day, I had running nose.. & the days that followed, I had by sore throat.. which is then followed by mild fever & cough came somewhere along the way. Now, I still have mild sore throat & cough. I hope to be well when Tuesday comes by. There's FYP presentation. Which brings me to...

All the resting in bed made me realise that I haven't been on my best behavior this whole sem. I've slack a lot & just been coasting around. I've been lucky enough to pass my midterms despite all the slack. I know, I know... I could hear voices telling me "you should've studied earlier..". No. Don't bother telling me that again. I'll probably scream at you when I should be grateful & thankful instead. I don't know why I keep doing that. I seem to be irritated quite fast these days. At every, little, small thing. That's not the end of it either. I think I've been the most nightmarish groupmate anyone could ever have. But the damage is done & I don't think there's anything much I could do about it. There's probably people "stabbing" or cursing me.. which I most probably deserve. *Sigh* I've been way out of line.

I'm feeling lousy... I'm a lousy friend, lousy groupmate, lousy this & lousy that. I *think* I'm sabotaging myself. For what? I don't know. There's probably some inner demons that I need to deal with first. Feels like I'm at the limbo.