silly lil' funniez..
How about some silly lil' funniez for a Boring Monday evening..
Never Try To Outsmart A Woman!
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money & was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money & put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
& so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black & her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket...
Wife: Wait just a minute!
She had a box with her; she came over with the box & put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down & the rolled it away.
Friend: Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.
Loyal Wife: Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.
Friend: You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?
Wife: I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account & wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.
Women Are Smarter Than Men
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
The woman went home with Charles & the next day she became his stepmother.
WOMEN Vs MEN: Women's Revenge
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.
Understanding Women (A Man's Perspective)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root & still be afraid of a spider.
Wife Vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument & neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats & pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Words
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife & asked, "What?"
Stupid And Beautiful
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid & so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
The Beast
Husband & wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel & hubby was losing his temper.
"Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the beast in me.
"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who's afraid of a mouse?"
Coffee
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
Wife: You should do it, because you get up first & then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
Husband: You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.
Wife: No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee
Husband: I can't believe that, show me.
So she fetched the Bible & opened the New Testament & showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.... "HEBREWS"
Halloween
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.
The wife got a terrible headache & told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued & said she was going to take some aspirin & go to bed & there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume & away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain & as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party & soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could & copping a little feel here & a little kiss there. His wife went up to him & being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high & dry & devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear & she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars & had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away & went home & put the costume away & got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.
Husband: Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.
Wife: Did you dance much?
Husband: I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown & some other guys, so we went into the spare room & played poker all evening.
Wife: You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!
Husband: Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life.
Never Try To Outsmart A Woman!
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money & was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money & put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
& so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black & her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket...
Wife: Wait just a minute!
She had a box with her; she came over with the box & put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down & the rolled it away.
Friend: Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.
Loyal Wife: Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.
Friend: You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?
Wife: I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account & wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.
Women Are Smarter Than Men
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
The woman went home with Charles & the next day she became his stepmother.
WOMEN Vs MEN: Women's Revenge
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.
Understanding Women (A Man's Perspective)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root & still be afraid of a spider.
Wife Vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument & neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats & pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Words
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife & asked, "What?"
Stupid And Beautiful
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid & so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
The Beast
Husband & wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel & hubby was losing his temper.
"Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the beast in me.
"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who's afraid of a mouse?"
Coffee
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
Wife: You should do it, because you get up first & then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
Husband: You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.
Wife: No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee
Husband: I can't believe that, show me.
So she fetched the Bible & opened the New Testament & showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.... "HEBREWS"
Halloween
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.
The wife got a terrible headache & told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued & said she was going to take some aspirin & go to bed & there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume & away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain & as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party & soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could & copping a little feel here & a little kiss there. His wife went up to him & being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high & dry & devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear & she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars & had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away & went home & put the costume away & got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.
Husband: Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.
Wife: Did you dance much?
Husband: I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown & some other guys, so we went into the spare room & played poker all evening.
Wife: You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!
Husband: Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life.
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